Do you ever push so hard for something to happen in your life and get stuck in its force? What if you have pushed free into flow and have yet to realize it. This thought came to me in a round-about way today with a friend whose desire to let go bumps into holding on all too often.

For years I have talked about the ebb and flow of life, the push, pull of manifestation and motivation, and have done my best to walk and honor the nature of it. Recently, I have found the walls of mental fear and untrue beliefs to be the very energy I was working like toffee to be free from or flow with.

The force was always the same and the intention reinstated. But, the ego can play hide and seek better than a cat under a couch. Covering up beliefs with justification and painting fears with enchantment. But, like the cat leaving its tail flickering in the open, I would find my soul smiling, armed with grace, while observing the game I was playing with myself.

Today, I questioned the ego’s love of the game. Why? What was the reward? This line of questioning encouraged my perceptions to take a turn. A turn behind me to be exact. Turned to my soul for answers that began with the question, ‘How can I honor you. This body, this life, is your experience. How can I make my thoughts align with your experience?

Much of the night passed with floating questions, and as I was readying for sleep I noticed something I had not seen before. You know when the lighting is just right and auras are more clear to the naked eye? Well, I was looking into my bathroom mirror and noticed my face was illumined with red tint and a green smoke was rising from the back of my head. While facing forward, I moved around, side to side, to see if the smoke would part from me. Instead, the smoke appeared to be me.

The words ‘I want to see you’ came into my mind as I was trying to view. The words in reply came ‘I look through you.’ At that moment, I saw my face and body as a mask placed over my soul to peer into this life, to touch through this body, to learn from this experience. There was pure love, pure self acceptance…all I could and wanted to do was surrender into the pool of it. My simple mind was beginning to receive comfort while resting within the mind of god.