Often within a journey I find myself looking for the end. I anticipate that it will be a time of goals met, visions actualized, or I might even explore the possible emotional outcomes that can be guarded against. It definitely is a time of disconnect from my soul as it is strictly a game of ego.
I was able to see this clearly however, when a friend was anticipating the closure of our time together. She wanted to emotionally prepare herself to face and absorb the possibility of it being another year before our souls would embrace again. In doing so, she stepped out of the moment’s experience into a premature defense…after all, we still had another 30 mins and I was going to visit with her and her family a few days later.
This scene did however, make me look at what I anticipate in my moments. Here is how my spirit broke it down for me.
Revolving doors…
Revolving doors represent a playground of anticipation for me. Here I am outside, with an option to enter into the next moment by way of a spinning door.
Doors that spin carry wedges of people through the walls of buildings, and, to some, represent the thrill of danger and anticipation. What if my briefcase gets caught and forces the spinning doors to stop. What if my friend and I won’t both fit in one compartment. What if we do and we have to tip toe as one body to make it to the other side…that could be fun. What if my skirt gets caught, that might be embarrassing if it tore or worse by the time I reached the opening on the other side. What if I don’t time it right and I crash into the door’s edge as it spins. What if the kids in front of me want to stop it from spinning, just because it’s fun, so I smash myself into the door as my mindless momentum beckons me forward.
In this imagine the door is in between one moment to the next. And like a rat on a wheel, we let our minds get stuck in the spin. The door spins, opening exit/entry points representing moments of past and future. Yet here we often find ourselves spinning in the mental chatter of what if’s, having fun no doubt, but unable to move forward.
Now, completely exhausted by the thought of it all, I imagine my spirit saying to me, ‘Good grief Charlie Brown…take the side door!’
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